01.04.202X - Labyrinth

Labyrinth

At least they had fucking water. How deep would the kitchen knife go if she just threw it into the wall? Maybe it would embed itself into the planks, wooden handle vibrating furiously. Maybe it would bounce off and bisect her trachea.

Actually, that wouldn't have been such a bad outcome, after all...

Fuck.

Kate was one wrong move away from rushing out into the yard, grabbing the axe from Sayori, and remodeling the white kitchen counters according to how she saw fit.

Breathe the fuck in, Atchley.

Trying to cook for a guest with no proper indication of their tastes was already bad enough, but having to do it while relying on wilted produce and canned goods was positively hellish. It was a good thing Sayori wasn't here – Kate had never been much of a cook, largely preferring to feed herself as simply as possible. Making a side salad was practically an achievement, even with the shops open and Mom helping.

As for how it was now...

She didn't want to think about it.

Fuck the outbreak, fuck cooking, give me takeout instead.

No, Sayori wouldn't mind, but that wasn't an option, not anymore. Spiffo's was as gone as her family, and truth be told, the dearth of good burgers almost upset her more right now. Still, there was no sense in crying over spilled milk. What mattered was the here-and-now, what mattered was making a good meal, for once – not just fuel to keep you going after a day of work.

 

And, maybe if she did everything right, Sayori would apologize to her. Maybe she could be good enough, somehow. Make her notice. See the same thing in Kate that the nurse saw in her.

Kate grimaced. Disgusting. This was fucking pathetic. She couldn't blame Sayori for the lack of interest – rather the opposite. She understood it, and understood painfully well. Desperate Kate had had her moments in college, that was for sure, but she was the last thing Kate needed right now.

The desperate, hopeless Kate that had only recently realized she actually liked girls.

The needy, idiotic Kate that poured her heart out to Aliyah living in the room next door and ended up ruining any hopes of maintaining even a casual friendship with her.

The optimistic, naïve Kate that brought someone nice home after her second semester and got the belting of a lifetime when Grandpa walked in on the two of them in the guest room, two knuckles in and showing no signs of stopping.

But what was she supposed to do, then? Play it safe? Act cool? Pretend she's got everything under control, like always? Only speak when spoken to, only crack a smile after she finally apologizes?

No. Not doable, not possible, not viable, nuh-uh.

Or, well, it was doable. It was more than possible. Most likely viable, as well – although Kate hadn't quite figured out what way to approach Sayori the best.

The problem wasn't the method as such – she couldn't even think about the term without getting douche chills – they were all as valid as they had been three weeks ago. No, the problem was resorting to something as... banal as this.

Sayori had been one of the few people she'd felt she could always be completely honest around – be herself, as fully and totally as that was possible. Be vulnerable, even, because she knew the girl wouldn't think any less of her, and she knew the girl was equally open and genuine with her...

So, to abuse her trust and gobble her up before spitting her out again, to manipulate and lie her way to an ulterior goal? It felt like betrayal – total and absolute, plain and simple.

She could wait. Sayori would come around eventually. Or then she wouldn't. It's her choice. As long as she had someone to talk to, to lean on, to be with, someone like her – she would be happy.

Yeah. Someone to talk to. That worked out really fucking well, didn't it? 'Please, give me your professional fucking opinion'? You know this isn't going to work out. Not like this, and not ever. A fish and a bicycle, and it's pretty fucking clear who's got the higher mileage of you two.

At least the potatoes were cubed now. The corned beef was well on it's way. Don't ignore me. No onions, sadly, but they did have a couple raw eggs left over. Don't you fucking dare.

So, corned beef hash?

Why not.

It was simple enough.

You can't fucking run from me, and you know that.
But... she wasn't. The thoughts were there, yes, but why was it such a big deal?

Oh, maybe because you fucking ruined the only chance you had at a halfway normal relationship with someone you finally like for more than just how they look?
Nothing was set in stone. Not yet, and it would never be.

Only because you're too much of a fucking coward to actually seal the deal.

I don't need to. Whatever happens, happens. It's not my decision to make.

That fatalism is awfully convenient, don't you think?

Maybe. But if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that this chihuahua has been barking for long enough. Scurry off, bitch. You haven't won yet, and you never will.

...We'll see about that.

 

Somehow, despite the canned potatoes and the canned meat and Kate's... talents, the meal actually smelled quite nice. Spices felt – as always – like a bit of a mystery. Salt, pepper, garlic powder, smoked paprika? Sure, whatever. Can't hurt. The potato-meat mixture was frying nicely, a ceramic pan atop an old electric stove, the old kitchen hood above doing it's best at sucking up the steam from the pan.

At least it would be a meal. For two. Christ, she should have gone with something more impressive, something more romantic, maybe? And postponed her realization with twelve hours, at most?

Not that she could have done much with what they had – they were practically out of food, and the wilted produce in the fridge was slowly turning into a rough side salad. And you know exactly why you're out of food.

Maybe if Mom would have left a little more stuff in the cabinets, then... Mom doesn't give a shit if you starve. Nobody does. That Japanese bitch is going to stab you in your sleep as long as she can live just a day longer.

 

Kate couldn't help it anymore.

She sighed heavily, burying her face into her crossed arms.

What the fuck was wrong?

Well, everything was wrong, and these kinds of thoughts were pretty much part-and-parcel, but...

Still.

You know she hates you, right? Hates you more than anything. That's why she barely talks anymore, that's why she looks like a walking corpse, that's why she keeps taking her meds, she can't stand you sober, she wants you to get as fucking far as poss-

No, relax, accept it – it's just a thought.

The chihuahua is back and barking it's ass off again – you can't control it, and you shouldn't expect yourself to.

There's just a lot of negative emotions bubbling up – experience them, accept them, don't fight them.

You're not perfect – nobody is.

It's okay to feel like this now and then.

 

Kate closed her eyes.

“So, wood's done?” Kate spooned some of the hash into her mouth, and immediately regretted it – she'd probably develop classic pizza blisters come tomorrow. Ah well.

“Y-yup, yeah, I...” There was something up with the girl. She'd practically flown in through the door once Kate called her for dinner – 'pep in her step' would have been an understatement. “I... chopped as much as I could and... and piled it in the... thingy.”

She couldn't help smiling. The change was definitely not unwelcome, that was for sure – Sayori had seemed practically dead inside after they left Rosewood for the first time, and maybe – just maybe – she would even feel like talking over the earlier argument with Kate. No pressure, no expectations, but... still.

“Honestly, we...” Kate eyed her plate carefully, then set her fork down. “...we don't really need that much wood, it's just a pet peeve of mine. If – and I'm saying 'if' – you happened to maybe slack off a little, it's no big deal.”

The girl was even paying attention. Disturbingly much so.

“There's always tomorrow, or the day after, or next week. You know.” Kate cleared her throat, briefly considered meeting those inquisitive blue eyes with a stare of her own, but decided against it. No, no, no, you don't lose staring competitions.

“S-so. Um. Yeah.”

Sayori seemed to be quite enjoying her food, and the lack of etiquette didn't really even register. Let her eat if she's hungry. I'm not gonna turn into Mom.

“What's in it?” Her fork briefly pointed towards the sad-looking corned beef hash. “It's good.”

“Uh, well, you know.” Kate picked her fork up again, more as a distraction than anything. “Corned beef, and... potatoes, and spices, and... stuff.”

“Huh. W-well, I think it turned out nice.” A smile. You, in my moment of weakness, you dare... “I mean it's s-simple, but...”

“Yeah. Sometimes that's all you need.” Kate let the silence stay for a while, chewing absentmindedly – it wasn't bad, not at all. Just not her first pick. “First time chopping firewood?”

“I... yeah, it was. Not really... too many opportunities back home, you know?” It hadn't taken long for her to pick the last bits off her plate, although they had been talking quite slowly.

Maybe she'd left more of it for Kate again?

“You... I think you should eat more.” Why was she feeling so awkward all of a sudden? Or, well, it wasn't sudden. Not as such. She'd felt awkward from the moment Sayori rushed in through the door. “Chopping firewood is... it takes a lot of energy.”

“I... I guess, I'm just, you know... not really that hungry.” Sayori spooned a token second helping onto her plate. “Not... not really tired, either... my hands kinda hurt, but that's pretty much everything.”

“You'll... notice it at some point.”

“Y-yeah.”

 

Kate fought back the urge to sigh, or yawn, or something. Just act your age. You can sigh later. Sayori had finished, again, and was now idly running her pointer along the rim of her half-empty glass, completely transfixed, resting her elbow on the worn white oak table.

No point. Don't turn into Mom.

“You... didn't... wear gloves?” Awkward was one thing, this was uncomfortable. Sayori just shook her head – didn't so much as look up, still just as focused.

Sometimes you notice little noises, sounds that are always there but only become apparent when it's night, and everyone's in bed.

 

Or when the conversation dies.

 

“Didn't... know we had gloves.” Squeak, squeak.

“Oh, yeah. We... have.” Kate was rapidly tiring of the dance. Just talk to her. Tell her. You're in the same boat anyway. There's no sense in prolonging it anymore.

 

Kate cleared her throat, mind set, and tried to quickly figure out some way of leading the conversation towards it's intended destination. She'd barely had time to break the silence and collect herself before Sayori piped up, however.

“Hey... I'm... I'm sorry, a-alright?” She was still just as focused on the glass – or pretended to be, anyway – but her movements were far more agitated, less smooth, the cheap water glass rattling on the tabletop. “...for... everything I s-said. T-to you.”

With that, she left the glass alone, and finally turned her eyes towards Kate again. She was nervous, that much was clear – what her body language didn't belie her shaky voice more than did. Blue met green, once again, both equally uncomfortable, both equally awkward.

“You... yeah, you...” Finally, the time for the sigh she'd been saving up. “Honestly, you... should be.”

 

Kate shook her head sadly, trying her best to gauge Sayori's reaction. There wasn't any point in trying to make her feel worse than she already did.

“I'm not angry, you know, I just... really didn't expect that. A-and, I mean, I understand...”

Sayori gave a quiet hum in response, her eyes set on the peeling paint between them.

“I know the last few days have been... horrible. I know it's scary, I really do, I'm fucking terrified of what's gonna happen, but...”

“...y-yeah.” Face downcast, cheek in hand, staring at the table – not the best.

 

“Sayori, could you... could you look at me? Just... for a moment?” She did, gingerly, carefully. Like a scolded puppy. I'm sorry, but we have to talk about this. God her eyes are- “I just... want us t-to get along, you know? I know I've done some... some really stupid shit as well, and...”

Another sigh, confusion on how and what to say. At least the girl looked less downcast now. Kate briefly considered holding her hands, as a demonstration of some kind, or to comfort her, maybe? Or maybe you just wanna touch as much of her as possible now that you've calmed down again.

“Y-yeah, I... yesterday, when I snapped at you, I'm...” Fuck it. I need this as much as she does. She carefully reached for Sayori's hand, enveloping it with her own. “I'm sorry too. I know I already apologized for it, but... still. Doesn't seem fair otherwise.”

Kate felt some slight movement between her hands, and almost wanted to run her fingers along the sharp little knuckles and the bitten fingernails, but then Sayori joined in kind, her right hand joining the pile, gently caressing Kate's own, and now she didn't quite feel the need to do that anymore.

“...y-yeah, I... I g-guess.” Sayori looked away briefly. “I d-didn't... I didn't mind, it was... okay. It's okay.”

How much did that hurt you?
Fucking hell.
Aren't I just the sweetest host in the county.

“A-and, I mean, it p-probably gets super a-annoying when you h-have someone like me t-that just...” Kate hadn't paid attention to the little goofy smile she had been wearing until now, just as it disappeared. “I d-don't... blame you. I understand.”

And there she was, again, Sayori with her brave face and her sad smile and the little reassuring squeeze she gave Kate. Sayori that says the most horrible things about herself without missing a step because it's automatic at this point, because those are the only thoughts she has, because...

The table between them was far too wide. Kate wanted to pull her into a hug, to seal her lips with a kiss, to tell her just how much she appreciated her, but it was not to be.

She couldn't manage to force out anything proper, not yet, anything that could show her how much she really cared, but she had to do something.

 

“Please...” Kate took a deep, shaky breath.. “...please don't talk about yourself like that.”

“B-but it's...” Sayori deflated instantaneously. “...yeah. I'm s-sorry.”

“No, you... don't be sorry, either! You... I mean, I...” Kate was far more animated now, she couldn't help it, and a low, frustrated growl escaped her throat. What the fuck was she supposed to say? “L-listen – you're... you're my friend, and... when you talk about yourself like that, I j-just... I don't know, I just hate hearing it.”

Well, she'd gotten her message out, at least. Maybe she feels a bit bet-

Sayori abruptly pulled her hands away from Kate's embrace, breaking the spell. She didn't quite have time to even react before the sink turned on, as well, the girl busy rinsing her plate. She had turned away from her, looking out through the window towards the forest beyond.

“S-sorry, I j-just... I realized... g-gotta chop, there's... there's lots of it...”

“B-but...” 

 

And then, the door slammed, leaving Kate shocked and alone with just her thoughts, and if Sayori would have timed her escape slightly better, her friend might not have heard her trying to mask her sniffles.