11.06.202X - 13.06.202X - Old Friends, New Orders
03:40 11/06/202X 15°C - FORT MULDRAUGH
Home again.
Strange amount of rotters in northern Muldraugh. My guess is somewhere around 70 - 100 down.
My Glock ran dry, although I left one in the barrel for myself, just in case.
Found wire for Mish.
And a teddy bear.
I really hope she'll like it.
Managed to loot most of the warehouses and storage spaces up north, but ran out of trunk space when I got to the last one.
Took a quick peek inside. Building seemed safe, lots of construction supplies.
Marked it as "GENFAC" owing to the name on the sign outside.
Might be worth a second look. Maybe even a third.
At the moment I'm trying to figure out where and how to store my ill-gotten gains, and if I should drive north and get started on Operation: Rest Stop.
Since I already have a spare generator lashed to the roofrack I'll just need to do some repairs and unload the shit I picked up and I'll be ready to go.
-S
-INTERMISSION - DIARY OF LT. MISHKA SOKOLOV, RUSSIAN REPUBLIC ARMED FORCES
11/06
Woke up and she's gone again - I don't want to nag Sayori but she needs to sleep more - It probably doesn't help the depression.
I'm not going to police where she goes or what she does.
I know I wouldn't appreciate it myself.
Decided to work on maintaining weapons as well as myself - the stitches on my arm and leg are healing pretty well, although they're going to scar.
I can hear Fedir telling me I could make a cool story like fighting off a wild animal or something. I think a zombie counts as a cool story...
I don't even remember what I got it from - might've been one time Sayori crashed the car...
Actually I thought I already had it then - fuck it.
Dissociated me got stabbed in the arm and leg.
I don't remember.
Worked on planting more flowers on Iz's grave - there's so many bees!!
Imagine if I could make it a mini meadow - she'd love it.
I wonder if I could make a little rainbow windmill or something. I might put a sliced peach outside for her.
Make it look pretty.
One of the old group is back - I got a bit nervous and forgot my words again. She went off into one of the trailers on the west side of the base.
I'll ask Sayori later.
08:40 11/06/202X 11°C - FORT MULDRAUGH
Jenny Davis appeared, out of fucking nowhere.
Apparently she'd figured out the fog warnings as well, and managed to survive by just staying indoors whenever the fog descended.
Stranger things have happened, I guess. Honestly, I'm just happy to see her again, in one piece to boot.
She's as ditzy as ever, and was overjoyed to see her Mustang again. Probably should have cleaned the blood off of it when she was gone, but I had honestly given up hope already.
Good thing I didn't scrap it for parts yet.
I think she and Ems got as far as Louisville before they got separated.
She wasn't very talkative about it - I'm betting it's the rotters that did it, judging by the mean streak she has now.
Right after we were done with greetings and showing her to her Mustang, she was already asking for a ride somewhere - "doesn't matter where" - just so she could crack some skulls and blow off some steam.
I obliged, and we headed for the steelworks south of Muldraugh, since I remembered seeing a hell of a horde there a month prior, and nobody else had visited the place since, to my knowledge.
Well, it didn't take long for us to find trouble.
I'll spare you the details, but she's a much better shot now than I remember, and apparently doesn't mind close quarters at all.
Quite a sight to behold, honestly, blasting off buckshot one moment, chopping with the tomahawk the next. Loud, too, and angry - still had the bags under the eyes and the 2010-s internet-angel-getup, but looked less like she'd break your heart and more like she'd break your femur.
I just kept her rear clear, didn't have to do much. Was a bit of a "range day" thing for her, I guess - apparently she ran out of ammo just a few days into the scouting trip, and downtown Louisville was so packed with rotters that a shotgun blast would have been as smart as ringing a dinner bell and covering yourself in remoulade.
Still, can't deny that we had fun. A couple close calls, sure, but nothing we couldn't deal with easily.
Unlike the streets of Bedford, this place was pretty much wide open, industrial buildings dotted around a lush green field with the occasional tree poking up here and there, parking lots around the most vital areas.
So, we went in like sheepdogs, herding the horde to and fro, occasionally turning on a siren to distract them, mowing them down all the while.
There must have been hundreds, but they didn't stand a chance.
I'm happy to see that there's someone who hasn't changed too much.
She's still her ditzy, teenage self, just a bit tougher.
I caught her stealing glances at me when I was snipping the rings off some dead rotters. I just told her that I'm a bit of a magpie now and that seemed to serve as a good enough explanation.
Jenny's asleep now. She looked dead tired after we were done with the raid.
No wonder, as far as I know she's trekked all the way south from Louisville to Muldraugh, that on top of a weeks-long excursion into what might be the most dangerous territory in the entire county.
Apart from making the world a bit safer, we found lots of useful stuff; gravel, plaster, concrete, more wire for Mish.
I really hope she likes it, we must have like 20 spools by now.
There was still too much loot to carry back, so I think I'll try to get us to convene and organize a bigger raid soon, with more vehicles and firepower, just so we can wipe out the last remaining stragglers and pull out every single bit of loot from that old steelworks.
Might even take the old Oshkosh out of hiding. It's going to be a bitch to adjust to - still don't know how to back up with a trailer hitched on, let alone a massive military container, but it's still going to be worth it, just for Mishka's reaction alone.
She already seems uneasy sitting in the car with me sometimes - I'm not much of a driver. Imagine the shock when I'm barrelling down the road with an 18-wheeler...
Yeah.
So, we struggle, we survive, we overcome.
Jenny returning has me hopeful.
Maybe Harris is gonna return.
Maybe I'll see Rufus again.
Arnold and Erja might one day call in on the HAM and report that Fort Rosewood is set up, but needs more shotgun shells...
A girl can dream, can't she.
It's not very likely, but...
A girl can dream.
It's just past 7 PM now. Mish is up, cleaning her rifle, probably wondering where I've been all day and who the "new girl" is.
Don't know if they'll get along all too well, but...
I hope they do.
I really hope they do.
I really don't know what else to write down.
Everything has been kind of dreamlike recently, like you don't know what's real and what's not.
Happy to see Jenny back.
Been having weird thoughts again, a lot more frequently.
At this rate I'll run out of meds in a month.
Sometimes feel unreal - been hurting myself just to make sure I'm still here, and not sleeping.
Mish hasn't noticed, I hope - she has more important stuff to think about.
Like now, for example, I hear that helicopter and know it's not real, and I can look at my heart rate monitor and see it briefly spike and feel vague panic starting to set in but it's like there's a film between me and the world and nothing really truly happens.
Sometimes I forget that I've hurt myself, and only notice the scars afterwards, sometimes I dream about it and sometimes it feels like I'm dreaming when I'm doing it and sometimes i cry afterwards sometimes i start laughing afterwards when i'm cleaning myself up sometimes i wet my fingers with blood and touch myself and then i start crying again but i can't really get the tears out so its more like something a robot or an alien would do so maybe im not really sad and instead ive been faking this thing since junior high just so people would feel sorry about me and what does that say about me?
it means i deserve everything i get for taking away space from real people and real problems and trying to gorge myself on attention that doesn't even belong to me and that people are just giving me out of pity or to make themselves feel better about themselves so they can say that theyre doing something to make this world a better place but in reality nothings ever gonna change and nothings ever gonna get better since the world is just full of fakes and liars and hypocrites like me and like them and like everyone on this planet and maybe if i would have just been quiet and not told him to stop he wouldn't have made it hurt so much and maybe i would have already went back home to japan and i could have bragged to all my friends about my wonderful boyfriend in america but instead i just had to upset him and this is why whores like me aren't allowed to cry because we're just wasting real people's oxygen and polluting the planet with our filth and
i can't
I am going to sleep now.
It was nice to meet jenn Jenny again and it was nice to shoot and find concrete powder bags and wire for mishk Mish but the weather was kinda cold so I didn't enjoy it as much as I could have
-sayori takahashi
-INTERMISSION - DIARY OF LT. MISHKA SOKOLOV, RUSSIAN REPUBLIC ARMED FORCES
12/05
Didn't notice it before - Sayori found me a teddy bear! :D
He looks really similar to the one Izzy used to have - brown with a wonky head, a little felt tongue sticking out of his mouth.
I've put him on the bed.
Also changed a few things around - welded up another storage locker.
I didn't want to seem rude by asking to clear out the stuff that was already in there.
Finished the palisade!
The walls are now fully enclosed.
Feels nice.
We have another thunderstorm coming in - its been non-stop rain for the entire day... hopefully this time we won't go anywhere and take the thunder as an omen.
I have a bad feeling something might happen though.
I'm hoping it's just my brain bracing from last time.
03:40 12/06/202X 10°C - FORT MULDRAUGH
Woke up early, or was just half-asleep, I guess.
Met Mishka when I was washing my face, she told me she appreciated the teddy bear and that the wire fence is finally complete.
Now what?
Just... sit and exist, I suppose.
I don't feel up for much of anything at the moment.
Mish mentioned using the sauna - I almost forgot I built that.
Haven't even used it yet.
Maybe I should. Wash my sins away. Something to that effect.
I probably can't bathe with Mish, my scars are still fresh and I'd prefer her not to see.
Dunno how she feels about bathing together, anyway - I mean, it's not like we're in the same bathtub or some weird stuff like that, but just, you know. I don't think I'd mind - I've been to onsens and stuff before with the girls - but the scars.
Besides, she doesn't even seem comfortable taking her armor off, even when she's sleeping - I doubt she'd be willing to strip naked with a total stranger in the room.
It started raining. Just a light drizzle.
Thunderstorm coming in 4 days.
I think I might go for a walk.
Maybe go fishing and hope I don't catch anything - our stockpiles are already full and getting fuller by the day.
Or I guess I could just go around and steal fridges, but the stitches on my neck are still kinda fresh.
Kinda itchy, as well. I'd rather not accidentally tear them.
Or maybe that would be a good idea.
Christ, I could just remove the stitches and slice a bit with the scalpel and I could get this over with, if I wasn't such a fucking coward.
I don't know.
The rain is intensifying now, drumming an erratic rhythm on the concrete and the steel and the wood, washing the streets and watering the crops.
I've always liked rain a lot.
It's like a cold shower without the hassle of stripping naked.
I can just stand here, and for a moment, everything is alright with the world.
There's no feelings of superfluousness, no jealousy, no antipathy, no fog that kills your friends.
Rain's getting even heavier now.
Life's not supposed to be like this, you know.
There's not supposed to be walking corpses that want to eat you.
There's not supposed to be people going missing and dying constantly.
There's not supposed to be air that makes you sick and makes you pee blood and makes too much blood pour out from everywhere and makes you gurgle and choke with every breath because there's blood in your lungs and your tummy and your pus
there's not supposed to be thoughts that invade your mind and make you want to die all the time and make you hurt yourself and make you feel sad and worthless
i know mishka is here for me - i know she's my friend
but this is really fucking hard
i want to cry and i want to tell her everything but i don't even know what to tell her and i can't cry now
She already has enough shit on her plate.
I'm not going to start serving up more and expect her to just chow down like an obedient dog.
She's not here to solve my problems because they're MY FUCKING PROBLEMS and NOT HERS.
My experiences are nothing compared to what she's been through.
I've got to grit my teeth, and bear it, and push on.
08:00 12/06/202X 14°C - FORT MULDRAUGH
Went to the sauna.
It was... relaxing, I guess. Washed up after, the cold water almost made me jump. I have to be tougher than that.
We had a jet fly overhead as well - I thought they'd stopped flying completely.
That the USA was... dead.
I floated that idea to Mish back at the lake.
That there weren't any jets or helos around anymore because all the airbases had fallen to the hordes.
Maybe they're getting it under control, after all.
Maybe this'll be over before Christmas, and I'll be at home eating KFC with Nat, Yuri and Monika.
Maybe Mish as well?
I don't know.
She walked in on me while I was bathing, looked embarrassed. Think I caught a faint blush and a stammered apology and half-explanation.
Guess I know the answer now. Ah well, Jenny's not too keen on the sauna anyway - it'll just be us two taking turns.
Might need to spray some insulation foam between the window frame and the supporting structure. It's a bit colder than I expected.
16:20 12/06/202X 16°C - FORT MULDRAUGH
My cold has been getting worse throughout the day. There was a military helo that passed us by earlier, sometime before noon.
We got curious and followed it, since it seemed to hang around a bit more.
Of course, the moment I got in the Hummer the fucker just bolted southeast, towards Bedford (as I guessed).
So, we arrived, Mish in her dinky Defender (didn't want her to catch a cold) and wouldn't you know it, more rotters appear, with no sign of the helicopter.
I wanted to try using a bolt-action as well, so I mounted a bayonet on a Ruger M77, a .308 hunting rifle.
Shouldn't have.
My aim was fucking pathetic.
Mish would have done better without me.
Switching to the AR barely made a difference. I'm fucking useless at this shit - didn't even manage to use the bayonet correctly.
Anyway, when we were at point BLOCK, clearing the building (wondered what the rent would have been like before the outbreak), the helo returned, and apparently dropped something northwest of our position.
We caught a glimpse of something falling from the helicopter through the windows, and we both agreed to say "fuck it" and immediately bolted for our vehicles.
I had a bit of trouble navigating the Hummer up, was like threading a needle, but I managed.
Initially we thought there'd be a supply drop or... something, that had maybe gotten stuck on the roof, until Mish realized what it was.
FUCKING QUARANTINE PAMPHLETS.
TWO AND A HALF MONTHS INTO THE OUTBREAK.
The shit written on them was the usual bullshit you'd get; "avoid contact with affected citizens, comply with US Military patrols, brandishing weapons towards patrols will be considered a hostile act, WE ARE HERE FOR YOUR SAFETY."
Great.
But how exactly are we going to "avoid contact with affected citizens"? As it stands, me, Mishka and Jenny might be the only three non-affected citizens left in the entire fucking state of Kentucky.
How are we supposed to "comply with military patrols" when the only boots-on-ground servicemen I've seen have been fucking rotters trying to bite my face off? Am I just supposed to let them feast as much as they want?
And if "brandishing weapons against a patrol" is considered a hostile act, then I guess a propane torch and a spool of wire must count as a destructive implement, considering Mish got strafed while working on the palisade fence.
And fuck that bit about "being here for our safety" as well. Izzy and me both got strafed - when we were sitting in a clearly civilian area, with no hostile intent whatsoever. I think Izzy even waved - is that enough to warrant machine gun fire?
As it stands, I'll wipe my ass with these flyers - I even grabbed a few extra for that explicit purpose.
There is no single "guideline" or "order" here that I am going to follow. I am going to keep looting military bases - government property be damned - because the DOD would rather shoot at us and gas us than actually kill the hordes or send in actual aid.
I've been thinking about this for a while now, but this fucking seals it - I'm claiming this entire county as OUR property.
We'll secede, start a revolution, whatever.
Any US military foot-slogger I see has five seconds to drop his rifle and explain who he is and what the fuck he is doing on sovereign territory before I drill him in the face with a burst of 5.56 NATO.
Any helicopter found violating my airspace has five minutes to leave before I go get the M60, load a belt of armor piercing incendiary and shoot it's fucking tail off.
Fuck the "moral high ground". The government is my enemy, and the only reason I'm still clearing out rotters is because it might make the roads safer for someone else.
-Sayori Takahashi
PS. Saved one of the quarantine flyers, put a little label on it that reads "Joke of the Year", and hung it on my wall, underneath the stolen doctor's certification.
Har fucking har.
-INTERMISSION - DIARY OF LT. MISHKA SOKOLOV, RUSSIAN REPUBLIC ARMED FORCES
12/05
I'm too angry to really put it into words - the USA military can rot for all I care.
Sayori and I were out in the yard space - I'd just finished the palisade and we heard a chopper go by - I'd decided I need to get over my fear.
Sayori is more important.
We realised it was heading over to Bedford Falls. At least I won't get heatstroke in this weather...
We went in separate cars because Sayori had a cold - I only had a minor crash!
Got there, then I saw something falling from the chopper - these fuckers dropped, not ammo, not food, not medical supplies - but FLYERS reading "WE ARE HERE FOR YOUR SAFETY".
What a fucking load of bullshit.
"Brandishing weapons towards patrols will be considered a hostile act."
We're in an apocalypse.
Everyone has weapons.
I can guarantee that they haven't changed their ways since I left - still shooting anything that moves on two legs.
When I was building the palisade - does a propane torch and a 15mm welding rod count as a fucking weapon?
Do they have moles manning the sights?
Sayori says this is just to save face - make it seem like they have things under control.
I agree.
My original base got overrun while we were out on chopper patrol. We could hear everything through the radio.
I painted "SAFETY" on the palisade behind the fencing wall, at the southern compound gate. Hope if they see that it'll piss them off a bit - Sayori pointed out our existence alone is enough though.
She added "FOR ALL" to the lettering.
She also added "SOVEREIGN TERRITORY" to the west side of the base.
If they're not idiots, hopefully they'll know what will happen if they try to approach us. I know we're only tiny with scavenged parts and guns but a defence is defence, no matter how small.
Sayori put the flyers we picked up in the outhouse.
Its good to see something being used for it's true purpose.
We've chosen 2 crossed rifles for our little logo-sign-thing - its a bit cliché but I like it.
We're wondering what to call our little nation - Sayori's not sure, doesn't seem to care. I think it might be a bit too much to call this place Isobel County - I don't know.
Maybe we'll figure something out later.
22:20 12/06/202X 16°C - FORT M
Told Mish my thoughts and she seemed to agree.
We painted "SOVEREIGN TERRITORY" on the left side of the palisade, "SAFETY FOR ALL" on the right.
Decided the insignia would be two crossed rifles in red.
The color of revolution, or something to that effect.
My cold seems to have cleared up, so I took a look at the farmland. Some of the sugar beets had "Devil's Water fungus" (thanks, Erja), so I had to remove them.
Disposed of them far away. Don't want to risk a plague.
Other than that, just a couple cases of mildew. Took care of it pretty easily.
Plants are generally looking healthy, although I'm worried about root rot on the carrots. If the rain keeps up they'll most likely die.
Fingers crossed.
Still, I guess the whole outburst about the government left me feeling a little bit better.
Not like I'm going to start drafting a constitution for what might just end up being three people, but...
It put a bit of a pep in my step.
That, and the Red Bulls I chugged in Bedford.
-Sayori Takahashi
01:10 13/06/202X 8°C - MULDRAUGH FOREST, EASTERN
Setting up traps, like Rufus taught me.
Apologized to Mishka about how useless I was at Bedford Falls.
We talked a bit, she said not to worry about it, brought up the heatstroke thing, but still.
She mentioned some folks from her old squad again, some guy called "Vanko" who was apparently over 195 cm tall.
If my shitty math serves me correctly.
Can't imagine how tall that is - Yuri was the tallest of us at 175, I apparently got stuck at 157.
Felt weird when looking in the mirror after the sauna, haven't really had the time to look at myself much, except for when I'm putting on warpaint, and that's with gear on.
I've always had some eye bags - I used to cover them up as best I could, but stopped doing it a few weeks in.
Lost my foundation and ran out of toner.
Not like it matters, anyway - the rotters don't care how much effort I put in and I doubt seduction works particularly well anyhow.
Still makes me feel kind of shitty. I've always been self-conscious about my face, but if I went back to school looking like this...
I'd expect flowers on my desk the very next day.
Anyway, what I was getting at is that I guess the exercising and running and constant fighting paid off, in a sense. I can see veins, I can see abs, my arms are thicker and veinier than any of the guys at school - even some of the teachers - whenever I move my legs I can see hunks of muscle shifting and jolting, a roadmap of veins trailing along my thighs and down my calves...
Pretty far from the beauty ideal I'm used to. The tan doesn't help, either - the leather wrappings I wear around my arms and legs have left my skin looking like a quilted blanket of white, brown, and everything in between, and the scattered scars are the cherry on top.
Several on my neck, a small gash on my face, angry red scratches on my arms and legs and abdomen, deep, purplish scars scattered all about, self-inflicted ones on my
I think I'm not going to find many people willing to put up with how I look, even if everything goes back to normal. I know it's stupid to think about, but...
I can't help it.
Still, maybe it's for the better.
To look like this.
Nobody in their right mind would be attracted to this, and I think that may be the better way to go about it.
Rather have them be repulsed instantly than get together, sustain a few weeks of relationship façade, then have them leave me high and dry and heartbroken when they finally realize what a worthless, useless sack of shit I am.
After having their way with me a couple times, of course - why would it ever matter what I say or what I want when there's some jack-off who doesn't know masturbation is an option?
At least, if I get back home in this state, I'll deter quite a few chikan. Maybe I'll even get the chance to break some fingers if someone tries to cop a feel. I'd like to see them try to report that to the Metropolitan Police.
Still, I think I'll try to eat less. Mostly been living off of fish and mushrooms, anyhow - don't see why I shouldn't change up my diet a bit, especially with a farm like ours.
Anyway, Mishka, she...
She called me a "greenthumb" when I was inspecting the crops.
I just told her that I learned what little I know from Erja.
Dunno if I'll see her again. Never got to thank her for teaching me.
Dunno if I'll see Rufus, either.
Heh, looks like I managed to stay positive for a total of 3 hours before reverting back to my usual piece of shit self.
Think I heard a snare go off, gotta investigate.
-S
02:10 13/06/202X 9°C - FORT MULDRAUGH
In my room. Not feeling too well.
Mishka offered to make some tea but I declined.
I just wanna stay in bed for now.
Isn't that real fucking ironic?
First I bitch and moan about how "we never have proper sit-down meals anymore" and then I go upstairs and sulk like a 16-year-old who just got grounded for the first time while rejecting the chance to do just what I wanted earlier.
I don't know.
I feel tired.
Tired tired tired.
Hope this goes away soon.
-S
09:30 13/06/202X 13°C - FORT MULDRAUGH
Woke up late.
Poor Mish seems to have caught a cold. Probably got it from me when we were in Bedford.
Ate some biltong for breakfast.
Wasn't very much but I don't have the energy to cook right now.
Hope Mish feels better soon.
I don't know what I'm going to do in the meantime.
We heard automatic rifle fire in the distance last night.
Maybe there's soldiers marching in right now?
I seem to be hearing jets flying by constantly.
Maybe this is it.
They're going to retake Knox County, and they're going to line Mish up against a wall and shoot her for desertion, and they're going to rape me and send me to a detention camp and charge me with theft of government property and multiple counts of vandalism and arson and possession of firearm without a license and...
god what if they try to ra do something to mish before they kill her i cant let that happen not to her
maybe i can let them do what they want to me as long as they leave her alone and just shoot her
Fiver Zero Two can go fuck himself.
This entire place can go fuck itself.
Fucking "sovereign territory", what was I even thinking?
You blue-eyed, naïve, worthless bitch.
Try to be useful.
FOR ONCE.
Go out and check the traps instead of wallowing in self-hatred like you always do.
I know you won't do it, though. Because this - feeling miserable all the time - this is your comfort zone.
There's no hope for me.
You'd always imagine apocalypses and wars to change a person, somehow, on a fundamental level.
Somehow "refining" them into something better, more pure, more noble.
Bull fucking shit.
What doesn't kill you just makes suicide more tempting.
Gonna go check the traps, and then I'm gonna take morphine and lay in bed.
-S
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