08.06.202X - 09.06.202X - Elementary Fucking Mistake

07:50 08/06/202X 16°C - BEDFORD

 

Rain's still going, no signs of stopping.

Left Muldraugh when it was still dark, needed some time alone. Mish must be wondering where I am by now.

The whole point of this trip was to recon out a good access/egress route to the base, and hopefully dispatch more of the rotters.

Well, I got curious about one of the industrial buildings here, and wouldn't you know it, just as I was clearing rooms, I got my neck scratched open by some fucking rotter.

Fucking shit. Killed them both, hemostate, bandage, it's routine at this point.

Just...

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Why didn't I enter through the doorway to the right?
It would have lead to the same hallway, anyway, and I would have had a clear shot and my back to the wall.

Do I have a fucking death wish or something?  

Am I fucking stupid?


I'm writing this in an office building storage cabinet, across the street from the workshop I mentioned earlier.


It looks like a pretty modern hellish cubicle farm. Initially thought it was a lounge owing to the massive comfy cafeteria and rotten pies on the counters, but...


Still, I don't know.


I need to think about a lot of things.


Maybe it's best I sit down for a while, set up the walkie so Mish can hear me.



-Sayori



PS. The roof reminds me of my old school. High concrete walls and wire on the top so the students wouldn't jump off.



10:00



Think I might pull out.
Too many close calls.

Still one rotter skulking about in this building, can't find him anywhere but I can definitely hear the banging...

Rather not leave any place "almost safe".

That's when you let your guard down.

That's when they get you.



13:10 08/06/202X 17°C - FORT M



Pulled in in a hotwired red Rolls-Royce maybe an hour ago.
Mish didn't say much, looks like she just woke up. Handed her the new map and gave as much info as I could.

Clearing out rotters, even in the most "Silicon Valley startup"-like open-plan offices, is hell.
Doubly so when you're alone.

So, I figured I'd pack the old Plan B again, and use it as kind of a "dinner bell" to lure as many rotters out as possible as soon as we have overwatch up.


Of course, it'll be me there in the thick of it if shit goes sideways, but whatever.

Better me than Mish.


Gonna see how it goes. Might head back with the Hummer soon.



-Sayori



PS. I swear that one software place I cleared out must have had some sort of OSHA violation competition going. No water coolers, fridges and vending machines full of energy drinks and nothing else, some of them even with alcohol...

Yeah. Crunch time must have been real.

 

-INTERMISSION - DIARY OF LT. MISHKA SOKOLOV, RUSSIAN REPUBLIC ARMED FORCES


08/06


Woke up around midday.
Everything feels horrible. Everything hurts - I realized I'm terrible at putting sunscreen on.

Decided not to wear the hoodie.
Arms are on fire.
There's a line where my gloves end - every time my gloves move it feels like someone's holding a branding iron to my wrist.

There's blisters where the elbow pads start.

Found some E45 cream in the bathroom - coated my arms with it, felt a bit better - coated some bandages with it and shoved them on top.
I don't know how well they'll stay on though - It's raining out and there's no way I'm putting fleece anywhere near me.

I'm glad I was wearing a hat with a brim.

I've managed to get some nasty burns going on around my mouth and cheeks -  patched them up but I think next time I'm in the sun I'll be wearing a scarf or something - I'm terrified of what August will be like.



This is the worst kind of rain - hot rain. It's nearly 20C and it's pouring outside.

I can't hear Sayori upstairs - she's probably asleep or outside - she'd love this weather.

I'm more about cold nights in autumn when you can smell wood-fires and crisp air.



Apparently Sayori was out earlier?
I feel like I have the worst hangover still.
I've downed about 5 bottles of water in the span of half an hour.
She came back with a massive bandage on her neck - went straight to the bathroom and didn't come back out for 20 minutes.


Something must've happened.


She looks really stressed - her voice is kinda raspy like a sore throat - I wanted to ask what happened, why she was so frustrated - "what's with the bandages and the croak?"

Couldn't get a word in edgeways - I decided to let her blurt everything out - I'm too tired to English anyway...

She wants to go up to the military base in Bedford Falls.

I haven't seen her like this before - wide eyes and expressive hands.

I said if this was about the ALICE backpack that we didn't have to go now, but I don't think she was listening...


I felt that if I said no to going she would go without me - like she did earlier.

I worry.

Sayori leaves sometimes without letting me know - I'm not wanting to control what she does but I'm scared that one day I'll find the base empty, the Humvee missing and no trace or sense of where she's gone.

And it will stay that way.


I'll search and find her lifeless body eaten and full of maggots - or worse, mutated and sprinting straight for me.
I don't know if I could pull the trigger - not on Sayori - nor Caleb, Clay, Matthieu, Fedir, Vanko, Emelia, Iris or Tobias...

I'm trying not to think about it.



Geared up, got in the car, shoved a cold baked potato down my face and downed a good amount of painkillers.

I WILL aim properly.
I WILL do my job.
I WILL prove that I earned this rifle.

I am a CREI Specialist Sniper. I started training at the age of 9 and I will not let a bit of pain and sunburn get in the way of my life's work.

I've been in situations with a broken arm before - a dislocated knee.

This is nothing.

I need to be a good member of this group - not someone who walks in and expects hospitality.

The ride over was silent - Sayori was fixed on the road and popping heads under the wheels.

I hate that noise. Like a cyst.


The rain is getting heavier. I took Izzy's FAL back in - I have it with me - I could hear her screaming at me about wasting resources...



God I miss you so much
I'm so scared
I need someone to hold me and tell me it's okay
Did I do the right thing?
I didn't want to leave them - I didn't want to leave
Is Mama there?
I want Caleb and Iris to laugh at me playing cards - I want Vanko to tell me off for my uniform - I want Clay to tell me about conspiracy theories...



I'm so sorry.

I deserve to suffer.

I'm a terrible sister - I'm a terrible daughter and a terrible friend...
I left my family behind - both of them.

No more writing for tonight.
Tonight is a horrible night.



01:50 09/06/202X 18°C - FORT M

Bedford was a fucking MESS.

I fucked up real bad.
Throat got slashed open.

Luckily Mish was there, kept them off me and helped me bandage it up.


One more second and I would have kicked the bucket.


Apparently the sprinter mutation has spread county-wide.


Found that out at the worst possible moment, smashed a fire truck window to drive it off the road so we could fit the Hummer through, alarm went off and suddenly rotters started pouring in from all directions.

Tried to drive it further north to take the attention away from us, but...
Hadn't counted on the horde coming in from the south.

Straight towards me and Mish.

Of course there were rotters there - that was unexplored territory - I hadn't gone that far south yet.

Fucking IDIOT.


I almost got us both killed with that little stunt.
The aforementioned neck wound, Mish's arms looked like she'd taken them to a fucking belt sander...

We did finally manage to clear a bit of a path so we could get the Hummer up to the base, but fuck me if that wasn't something I never want to experience again.

Over 400 kills on my side. No idea about Mish.


Such an elementary fucking mistake, and I just tunnel-visioned my way through it.

Oh yeah, right when we rolled into the fort the thunderstorm started.
As if that wasn't enough, now we have toxic fog rolling in as well.

I chain-smoked the entire way back in the car. Still feel stressed and want another, but I'm too scared to take my mask off.

Drank some bourbon just in case, since it's supposed to "purge the body", but...

Fuck.

It's gonna take ages before we can even dream about getting the Oshkosh and the trailer through there, we barely found any loot (enough to cover our ammo use and a few M60 belts, plus shitloads of metal pipe), and I

Nearly.

Got us.

Killed.

AGAIN.



This is why I went alone in the morning.

Better me than Mish.

Better me than anyone.




Thunderstorm's here.
I've been waiting for it for so long, but now I just keep replaying those same thoughts over and over and over and over and over and


Took 60mg of Oxycontin, might take more.
Have Naloxone ready. Dunno if I wanna tell Mish, she's already in enough pain and the bourbon hit her like a truck as well.

She's got enough shit to deal with. The least I can do is not add anything to that pile.

I think I'll offload the car best I can, and then just... I don't know. Clean my rifle. Take more oxy. Lock myself in an airtight room and smoke a cig. Lay down for a while.
I still feel so fucking ashamed over that fucking car alarm and that fucking siren.


Maybe it would have been better if Mish wouldn't have been there when I got my throat cut open.


Just a few meters further.


Like me and Izzy.


She knows how to drive, the Hummer was right there, she could have been home safe before evening.




We didn't talk much on the way back.
Throat feels weird, voice sounds weird, talking is painful, even with the oxy.
Smoking burns like hell but at least it helps with the stress.

I do appreciate her being there for me, but at the same time I can't help feeling that it would have been better to just bleed out.

To finally end this fucking nightmare.



-S



-INTERMISSION - DIARY OF LT. MISHKA SOKOLOV, RUSSIAN REPUBLIC ARMED FORCES


09/06


We just got back from Bedford Falls. It could've gone much worse. I should've put my foot down - but then again I couldn't have stopped Sayori from going out there.

We're in the thunderstorm that the emergency broadcast was warning about. At least I know you wouldn't be able to fly in this weather.
The sprinters are getting more and more common - It wouldn't surprise me that choppers are leading deadmen down the country and then causing the native dead things to change - I'm not a virologist or whatever science people who deal with viruses are called.

I'm not going to look it up.
I need to change my bandages and sleep.


The roadwork could've gone much worse.
My aim was okay. I had a few close calls - I'm not good at CQC.
Never have been, probably never will be. Got bit in a place I wouldn't even let a living person go near.

I'm not scared anymore. I'm just exhausted.
It might be the co-codamol.


We'd planned I'd provide overwatch from a nearby supermarket roof but when we got up there the place was sodden and really unstable.

Had to stay on the ground instead. Sayori cleared the wrecks and I tried to keep things at bay - although it's much harder to hit a target that's sprinting at you from close by, with a gun that's got an effective range of 800 meters - even worse when it's a bolt action.

I'm so glad I picked up the FAL.

Sayori managed to get her neck messed up - I've been reading through the first aid books - the diagrams stick in my head - the slash just about missed an artery - now I know why she was so croaky - something similar had happened earlier.


Still stuck on the idea of getting to the base.


Said something about a fire truck - I didn't hear her over my shot ringing out.
I remember flinching when I heard the car alarm go off - we got too carried away - I should've paid more attention.
The idea was to grab one of those weird fire-pickup truck things and drive it south to draw the hoardes down.

There is a reason we used choppers instead of cars and sirens.

It was sirens, sprinters and then Sayori bolting back to the Humvee looking paler than Paskha.

I ripped the stitching on my leg and arm from yesterday - my head was pounding - we got in and drove back in silence.

Sayori pulled out a pack of cigarettes - I didn't know she smoked.
To be honest, I didn't care.
I wanted bed. I wanted warm food. I wanted to dry off.

I hope Sayori doesn't think I'm angry with her - I'm just tired.




Fog rolled in.
Got drunk.
Went to bed. 

"There's blisters where the elbow pads start."